The Unfair Woven Debate...

Recently, South Africa's most followed and perhaps loudest investigative journalist Debra Patta based her weekly current affairs TV show on the weave, some still refer to it as human hair, some call it bonding and others simply call it synthetic hair. In that episode of 3rd degree Miss Patta's team documented the shocking story of how Indian women sacrifice their hair in the name of religion and how the same hair ends up being sold in other countries for thousands of rands and dollars. If you are not familiar with this topic - let me bring you up to speed. Weave is hair extensions sown onto or glued onto an individual's natural hair or scalp. There are a lot of reasons why people do it. It is mostly popular amongst black women all over the world. In South Africa, black women started warming up to the idea a decade ago, and since then the number of women here at home, turning to the weave has multiplied rapidly. As with anything in life - different strokes for different folks but we can not run away from the fact that black women in general wish they had longer, shinier and easier to comb hair. I'm not saying every single black woman lives with those hair desires but most of us do. Before we go any further, let's just clarify this - on any good day - natural black hair is very hard to comb, very, the pain is for most people the worst part of any morning. And the longer our hair gets, the harder it is to enjoy. So, as any South African would know by now - one of the most popular businesses in townships across the country is the hair salon. I do not know what the official stats are but if you asked me to take a guess, I'd say every 2 out of 3 black women relax their hair. This has kept the salon a stable business because one has to get their hair relaxed every six weeks but because our hair knows how to get it's way - by week four the natural hair at the bottom for most women already demands some attention. So the reality is, most women relax their hair once in four weeks. So, as 3rd degree got more and more interesting to the South African viewer, Facebook got buzzing with what has come to be known as the #weave debate. Every other woman who was watching swore not to have another hair-piece attached to their hair again. For the 1st time since 'Jub-Jub's dramatic car crash which claimed the lives of young people', young South Africans had something to talk about. Every second status update on Facebook for a week was about #the weave debate. The more I read the more I wondered. Was it the Indian women? Was it that the programme had an agenda and as always, the agenda had to be something, anything that makes the black South African community seem more shallow than we actually are. To top it off, the main interviews in that programme, a popular music show presenter (TV), Cosmopolitan editor and a poet who is for all things 'smart and African'. I'm not saying that I have a problem with any of them or their opinions but truth be told - they are no reflection of South African women. So as the #weave debate continued, it became real apparent that the programme had an impact on a lot of young black South Africans, and as the week progresses I saw a status update that had me thinking, angry, questioning the black mind-set and for a lot of reasons - it had me wanting to share my views on the debate. The status update was by someone I work in the same industry with and someone I know not-so-well. The update read:- "Wedging in the #weave debate I found myself most compelled to post the following as a response to my friends take: Anyone who can separate weaves from the black men and women using skin lightning creams, the Jews who bob their noses, Chinese who widen their eyes - is either blind to their own unconscious desires for preferring themselves with a weave on at the cost of a permanent receding hairline... or is trying to score cheap pussy points from a woman he hopes he never gets to marry and raise daughters. If the world was colonized by blind people no one today would be able to see the difference but because it was colonised by whites world over - there's an obsession to be the master. If you can understand and agree with psychology that children who grow up in abusive households are more likely to be abusers because it is better to be the abuser than the victim and the person who survives abuse "better" is the abuser - how do you not glimpse the worlds obsession with emulating whites? This is not to say I have never slept with a gorgeous sister in a weave but I know when it came to taking a wife - it had to be someone who can teach my daughters to love themselves as they are - the assumption here is that the world was always going to tell them they are not enough. If the decision is between a weave and wig, I hoped my daughters would grow up to opt for a wig so they spend most of their days preferring themselves as they are. The world has always been round even though at some stage everyone was convinced it was flat." Nothing about this update moved me, until I got to "...This is not to say I have never slept with a gorgeous sister in a weave but I know when it came to taking a wife - it had to be someone who can teach my daughters to love themselves as they are...." I was feeling a lot of things at that point, anger more than anything. I was offended. Let me share this with you before I go any further, I have an afro, the nappiest I've ever come across, the only other hair-dos you are likely to spot on my head - braids or cornrows - that's just what I like. I'm not saying this to impress anyone - I just want to make the fact that I'm not being defensive real clear. I have friends who keep their hair natural and friends who happily and proudly rock weaves. And, as I've said before - people rock weaves for a lot of reasons. Some just hate their hair, some would kill to have more volume in their hair but it doesn't come that easy, some simply have hair that doesn't grow, some can't bare the pain of combing hair, some are just lazy of having to maintain their own hair, some because of style and trends. So, out of all these reason I've stated above, I see none that suggests that people who rock weaves and extend their hair are shallow, dumb or love themselves any less than me or a woman who shaves her hair off. In my opinion, weaves are no different from nail-polish, make-up, fake-nails, push-up bras, high-heels, shaven heads, visiting the salon for a Brazilian Blow, fake eye-lashes, skin lightening products, tans and tanning products or even mascara. All of us, in the pursuit of a better looking us we do all these things. Just to hear someone tell us that we are looking good or just to have someone acknowledge our efforts in taking better care of ourselves we do things that are not the most natural things. Who on earth deemed ichiskop natural, smarter and the sign of a person who is self-loving???? Is a woman who will easily agree to be part of a polygamous marriage but keeps her hair natural more self loving than a weave-addict who wants nothing less than to be treated like a queen? Is a full-time weed smoker and alchohol abuser who has dreadlocks smarter than a weave addict who chooses to stay away from any intoxicating substance? Is a disrespectful woman with an afro a better mother than a humble and dignified weave loving sister? Maybe I'm missing something but when did hair become the measure of a good mother? Brothas, I feel for you - especially if something as irrelevant as hair is a wife-material barometer. I honestly thought we have a lot of serious things to think about before making that kind of commitment, important things, life changing things. Sistas, I feel bad that Debra Patta has managed to make you all feel like you have something to feel guilty about. Here's a newsflash - the jacket she wore during that broadcast or recording was produced in a sweat-shop by workers who put in long, stressful hours for money that can not even put food on their tables. The truth is - almost every other product we consume is produced by people who are reduced to nothing because of their backgrounds and the poverty they come from. Wine-farm workers operate under some of the worst conditions in the world in exchange for peanuts if not alchohol. Are you going to stop drinking wine? The worlds best and biggest brands take advantage of refugees and asylum seekers, they treat them like animals and pay them cents. Are you gonna give up your stylish looking jeans and knee-length boots? Here's my two cents worth. You are not your hair. Until Debra Patta is ready to look at issues like tanning, cosmetic surgery, body-part implants and weight-loosing products with the same amount of judgement and ridicule - ask yourself this one question - 'I'm I being attacked coz I'm black?'. And if a brotha thinks less of you because of your hairstyle remember this quote "Judging someone is no reflection on them but a reflection of you." Your weave will most probably be a reminder to your kids to constantly be in-charge of their appearance. If my mother was a weave fanatic, I'd most probably have respect for her for making sure that she looks the way she wants to. Why on earth would we have access to all these things if we didn't deserve them. As for the Indian women who give up their hair - no sista of mine is responsible for their narrow mindsets of following without questioning. All the women in my family do not do weaves, they are no fanatics of the trend but trust me, they don't raise better kids than any of my woven friends. There's more to life than hair-dos. Next thing we are gonna be choosing women based on the oil content in their lipsticks and glosses. Men need to get over their insecurities. Maybe its your duty to teach daughters how to love themselves as they are - not the woman's. To everyone else - if back-breaking high-heels or skin threatening tans are not a biggie, then safe, easy to manage and great looking weaves ain't a thing. This is not even a moral issue. Going back to that 3rd Degree broadcast, Lebo - who is one of my favourite artists, was speaking against weaves but had her short natural hair bleached blonde. In the words of Masauko Chipembere - "blonde hair and blue eyes ain't our gig". So, as I sit here wondering what hair-do I should go for next, because I can not spend 3 days combing my natural hair without thinking about how to avoid the pain I go through - I'm thinking, a weave should work. If that makes me shallow or not the kind of woman who can't teach a daughter to love herself as she is, what does that make you???