Entitlement…a South African Story
I keep hearing-"The government this, the government that”.
STOP IT ALREADY.

Listening to one of Gauteng’s youth (radio) stations after the minister of finance’s budget speech this year, I got sick to my stomach. Sickened by a young lady who phoned-in, particularly to complain about the child support grant.
The complaint! - Mr Manuel (the minister), is too inconsiderate.
Why? - Because he only increased the CSG by a mere R20
The young lady went on and on about how young/single mothers deserve more.

I acknowledge that poverty is still part of the South African picture. I also acknowledge that young mothers have the raw end of the deal and that their partners (baby daddies) should do a whole lot more in helping them raise the products of their actions.

But....

...I think by now every girl who is capable of getting ‘knocked-up’ should know that it takes a male to make a baby and a man to raise one.
I also think it takes two to tango but a lot of it is up to the lady. If women can use sex as a weapon, why the hell can’t they use it to their advantage?

This country might not have the best goverment system, a liked-by-many president or the prettiest history but it is certainly alive with good possibilities.

Black people are on a goldplated pedestal now more than ever. Black women are powerful and at the forefront of very serious movements and projects.

I honestly don't think our Deputy President-Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka, Wendy Luhabe or Oprah Winfrey got to the top by blaming everything on the government. It takes responsible thinking, bravery, sacrifice and hard work to get to a place of comfort unless if you are born with a silver spoon in your mouth. That's how we should start thinking SISTERS.

That brother you are trying to settle down with, who doesn't give you enough attention, he's not going to love you any better when there's a baby in the picture.

That grant the goverment gives out to young struggling mothers is not even enough to buy baby formula or nappies.

Two months ago an investigative-journalism-current-affairs programme did a whole hour on how CSG are being misused by young, single and black mothers. A lot of the young women interviewed admitted to using a large portion of the R180 to settle their personal needs (airtime, visiting the hair salon or even buying clothes).

They also admitted to knowing that falling pregnant was no option for them due to their economic status and the fact that most of them were still in high school and living with their unemployed parents. But guess what?! Not even that was enough to stop them from conceiving.

I stand to be corrected but I don't think it takes a few years in a tertiary institution or coming from a wealthy family or a rocket scientist to know that jumping in to the sack with someone without protection can result into one thing or another. No prizes for guessing what I'm on about!!!!

Being young and black has never been better, I just think people need to get out out of their comfort zones and start making a difference. To all the young women in the ghettoes- Pop a contraceptive pill, get an affirmative-action job, go to school, stay away from boys, use a condom or simply use your brain first and then your libido.

I am always sad to see toddlers (babies too) being neglected or treated like obstacles. Before falling pregnant- one needs to review their maturity, pocket, their partners bahavior and the state of HIV/Aids in Africa. For heavin's sake wouldn't you rather enjoy your life and make the best of it before you bring a whole human being into this world.

I have absolutely no beef with child support grants, I have no problems with young mothers and I also don't have a problem with people who make and stick to their choices.

It's a damn bitch when your mother has to give-up few of her comforts to accomodate your unplanned baby or a baby ends up neglected just bacause a young mother is not ready to give-up partying.

There's a lot be considered before getting preggers. Life-adjustments and being the best that you can be as a parent at the top of the list- Thank you.

Choose to have that baby, afford to raise that child, give your parents a piece of mind- they are still trying to get 'raising-you' right. To all the sisters who were misled, raped, not mentally fit, drugged or clueless when they conceived- Wish you all the best in making a good human being out of someone.

To everyone else who receives the CSG, it's there to help, I mean help you raise the baby.

One Love

Matumza

Allow me to take you back...
...to that special post


One entry I'll never forget is an entry I posted on this blog. It was my 3rd or 4th post. Through that entry I let my readers into my world, my past. I wrote about some of the things that have always made me angry. I confronted men about the way they treat women and in the same breath celebrated women.

The aim was not to speak negatively of brothers or disrespect the efforts they put into making us sisters happy. It was just to let them know how I feel the relationship between men and women can be improved.

Moseki (one of my very loyal readers) gave me an opportunity to confront women about how they wrong brothers and celebrate men through the comments panel on the same blog entry.

I titled the entry WOMAN...The hard of hardcore.

Please take some time to read this one, check out the comments and leave one yourself.

This is not only for my new readers, it is for everyone who liked this one too.

Enjoy
One Love
Matumza

Click on the link below
http://matumzaonline.blogspot.com/2005/09/woman-hard-of-hardcore.html

DECENCY
and the entertainment industry

There is a fine line between being free and lacking decency and people in the entertainment are (in my opinion) are flirting with this thin line.
The most disturbing one, Arthur Mafokate's music video. The song is titled "Sika le khekhe", this literally means "cut the cake", the catch- where Arthur and I both come from "Khekhe" has two meanings. One is sweet(literally) and the other derogatory(to women).
If you (by any chance) think I'm launching an undeserved attack on Arthur, wait until you see the video.
4 girls aged between 13 and 16 years dancing on top of a bed with very mini, mini skirts, nothing but your normal butt showing underwear beneath the skirts, camera conviniently focuses on their minor asses. And the show stopper, there's absolutely no cake in the music video.

This fueled a lot of debates in M'zantsi (that's South Africa to you Miss Fab). The SABC(National Broadcaster) banned the music video, funny how I still see it on one of their channels though.
Some people were arguing that if we can watch and enjoy american music videos that show nothing less than nudity why should we complain about Mr Mafokate's video. Some people had an issue with how young the girls in the video are, while other people were stressing the fact that no-one forced them to appear in that music video. Someone actually tried to use culture to justify the video. See back in the day when culture still was- women walked around half naked and this was not only acceptable but common practice. That was when women were still object who had no rights, feelings or opinions according to men.

I hate it when we resort to culture to suit ourselves or to justify our wrongdoings.
While we are on 'culture' I think the only thing that has remained of our culture (but is slowly fading away) is UBUNTU. One of the few things that make me proudly (South) African. We are nothing like the americans, our values will never be the same, our laws differ, our morals are not on the same wavelength and we definately think differently from them. We might love and follow some of the things they do but I think compromising UBUNTU because of what americans think is hott or not is a sign of a very weak Nation.

Look at women like Mirriam Makeba, Tina Turner, Diana Ross, Zamajobe, Judith Sephuma, Whitney Houston, Yvonne Chaka Chaka the list is endless. They are not my personal favourites but they are women who have my respect. Their talent sell them- not what they are willing to take off in front of an audience or cameras.

I have been disappointed by a number of young female artist- particularly because what they do not only affects their albumn sales but leaves a mesage (not a pretty one) in men's mind and influences little girls who look up to them.

See for yourself

Lebo Mathosa- A.K.A Drama Queen

Kelly Khumalo- Qinisela

Lil' Kim A.K.A Queen B

Let's talk. Let's exchange words, thoughts, ideas and opinions.

"Closet Smoking"

What a bitch

I can hardly remember the first time I held a cigarette between my two fingers

When I was in Matric, I would take a drag from a friend or two while we were at a party or some gathering that featured a bit of alchohol. At the time it was purely messing around in our parents' absence. My gap-year came, I had nothing to do but read thick novels and find out more about the course (Journalism) I was about to grab by the horns. I was a Drama Sub-facilitator and in the absence of the head facilitator I would teach and ‘baby-sit’ young people who were between the ages of 12 years and 18 years. They would smoke- thinking “Tumi-two-shoes” is not aware of our dirty habit. (Mind you- I was just 19-years-old).
I would watch-silently thinking- ‘What the hell do these Urban brats think they are doing?’.

Yeah, I do smoke. My family would disown me if they knew I’m doing it. And just in case you think this is enough to stop anyone from doing the puff- puff on a daily basis- Think again.

I've been at it for the past three years (on and off). When I moved to another city, Pretoria to be pricise-I started smoking seriously, If you are wondering what serious means- think about 5-6 ciggies a day. I stopped for a while and then started taking drags from Big-Mike, at the time I was involved with a guy who did everything he could to make sure I don't smoke (that was of course in his knowledge). I smoked and it got stronger by the day. When we broke-up, I felt free, free to smoke and do everything I would like to do.

They say Shame doesn't bring change, the only time a smoker kicks the habit is if and when it is within them to do so.

This day and age I kill about 7 a day and if I am by any chance working in another city (away from home) I kill about 13-15 a day. All I do is smoke, smoke, smoke. I smoke more than my boyfriend smokes and when I'm not smoking I'm thinking about smoking.

Sounds unhealthy I know, I plan to quit when I fall pregnant (that's if GOD blesses me with kids).

Keep in mind that the only person in my family who knows about my habit is my older sister Nina who by the way had a reaction and a-half when I told her all about it. No one else knows but I think my niece has an idea.

Last night as we sat with my mother in her bedroom watching TV, my niece walks in and says "Tsitsi wa bhema"- 'Tsitsi' is what she calls me and 'wa bhema' means- YOU SMOKE.

My neck stiffened, I heard my mom ask: What'd you say? "Wa Bhema, yaka bashimane". She smokes like boys is what the four year old meant. She also went on to explain to my dear Mother how she'd found 'those two things' (signaling with her two fingers on her mouth) in my bag. I ignored their little conversation, after all Fiona Coyne and the weakest links were far too interesting and please don't be fooled- My heart was beating very fast.

"Itumeleng what is she on about?". "OH- My lighter" I said "everytime she sees it she accuses me of being a smoker".

Connie Sedumedi then asked: "What are you doing with a lighter?". "I always keep one" I said "Now I have two". And that Ladies and gentlemen was the biggest lie I have ever told my mother. I feel bad about it but I feel better about protecting our relationship. See, I know my mother knows that I smoke, I also know that she doesn't know that I know that she knows that I smoke.

If she ever had to hear me say or admit that I'm a smoke, our relationship would go sour. She is an open minded individual but she is a cigarette hating mother too. I'm her youngest child and the fact that not even my brother smokes would even make it harder for her to accept my habit.

They say there's no smoke without fire? It is so true. It's just a bitch having to always pretend that you are not responsible for the smoke. Everyone but my family knows about my smoking.

What's your take on my situation? Thato thinks I should just come out and let my know know about it. YOU?

My Black Sister

WHY?

This morning I got into a taxi (minibus) it was not yet full. So while we (me and the other commuters) waited for the taxi to fill-up, along came a very beautiful sister. From where I was sitting, it was very evident that she is on her way to work.

She had on an outfit that screams :"I know nothing about colour co-ordination", could hardly walk in her high-heels and she had on what I will (lack of a better word) call a 'shit' wig. It was terrible. Too shiny, too long and most definately not meant for her. To top it off- It seemed to me like she was feeling herself(thought she was all that). I know her hair has nothing to do with me but I couldn't and still can't get over it.

She is not the only sister I saw with a wig on this morning,

INFACT: these days I see more wigs than I see natural afros, chiskops (bold), corn-rowns, braids, dreadlocks and even just relaxed hair.

I think (we) the black (african) race are the luckiest when it comes to the number of things we can do with our hair. My head has been around.

CHISKOP, CORN-ROWS, BRAIDS, AFRO, DREADLOCK (lasted for about 2 days), DRY PERM and right now my hair is relaxed.

I'm still looking for more things to do with my hair without looking stupid or going fake.

I have nothing against sisters who prefer and use weaves and wigs. I also have nothing against those who produce them, my only problem is the fact that we are becoming way too fake.

It looks to me like most black women think having a wig or weave makes them look more glamourous/educated/loaded when it just in fact does the total opposite.

WHO ARE WE TRYING TO FOOL?

If you want longer hair- grow your own. If you want shinier hair- Process it. If you want to look very fake (and to a certain degree dumb)- rock a wig. FYI- Guys do not like it at all y'all.

Look at women like:-

• Mmabatho Montsho (Lumka- Generations)
• Lebo Mashile (Poet- L'attidute)
• Nkhensani Nkosi (MOJO- S Cherrie)
• Twasa (Jam Alley)
• India Arie (Brownskin Fame)

They are very beautiful and natural at the same time, they need absolutely no attachment to their hair to feel beautiful or elegant. No fake eyelashes, no heavy make-up, no plastic hair and absolutely no pain.

Whoever said glam and elegance have anything to do with length and shine to my black sisters is/was/will be wrong.

With all due respect, What the hell is a 20-year-old girl doing with a wig?

Think about this. What's wrong with these hair-dos?

Drag queens, cancer patients, senior citizens and those who need disguises need wigs. My point is- there are a lot of people out there who could use wigs and can not or will not use them.

Why hide your beauty? Nothing wrong with being a fashion victim, something wrong with purchasing hair when you have you own (beautiful and free of charge).

Nothing personal.

I mean I really miss a time when wigs were useful to stage and TV productions.

Silence not so GOLDEN afterall

I believe each and every one of us (Bloggers) have all- at some stage or another experienced a "No story- No wise words to impart- no news- no jokes and absolutely no interesting topic" period.

Henry had one of those for about 2 months, I could be wrong, maybe he just didn't have the time to update his blog. To be frank with you I wrote him off as lazy and only now do I understand what he must have been going through.

I'm going through one of those. I don't have anything to write about. I have about a million and one topics in my head, problem is: I really need to think before I start typing. I miss y'all and would like to exchange news, words and ideas but I'm stuck. This is the difinition of a mental block

Here is something I'm excited about though-

I'm getting a tatoo soon, My mother's name on my abdominal area (beneath the belly button/navel) in a really beautiful font.

I'm shit scared and very excited about it. I'll take a picture and let y'all know how it went.

I cried for 45 minutes when I got my first and only tatoo, the artist who did it says he'd never seen anything like it (an adult in tears due to pain- that would of course include everytime he'd seen someone give birth).

What are your feelings on tatoos?

Would you get one?

If you are parent- Would you let your Child get one?

Does pain freak you out?

Do you think they are meant for freaks?

Let me know and while you are at it here is what I have to share about tatoos.

If you choose the right one, you are bound to love it forever.

I love mine to bits, it also helps that I do not see it too often. I also like the fact that: Not everyone who knows me knows it or about it.

Here is what it looks like- Sowhat if you have to strain your neck to check it out?!