Letter 2 - The Metro of Priorities...

Dear Sisters and Brothers

Today, let’s put the whole age thing aside. Let’s talk.
Let’s talk because I have a concern. Not because I know more or age has taught me better.
Let’s just get real.
Please allow me a fraction of your tea-break or lunch hour, your attention and your open mind.

So, the Metro FM Music Awards are upon us. Alongside gigs like the J&B Met, the Durban July and the South African Music Awards, this is by far one of the biggest events in the country. It is one of Durban’s major weekends, one of the radio stations flagship projects and everyone’s favourite music ceremony.
Of-course this is due to its relevance, its on-the-ball understanding of the local entertainment scene and its 10-over-10 flair. Every year the MMAs are - where swagger lives, where entertainment flows, where the A-listers mingle with ordinary folks, or so I think. The MMAs are where it goes down. Without fail. The MMAs are where people look good, feel good, sound good and dance good. It’s where young people are reminded of how they make their country a place to live-in. The essence of our generation is encapsulated in this one weekend. This is where everyone wants to be seen.
This weekend many young people will step out of their cities, leave their boring lives behind – just for this weekend and turn-it-up like there is no tomorrow. I’m sure we all deserve that kind of break once in a while.

That said, this week is also one of the most worrying periods of a South African year or entertainment calendar. This week alone, hundreds of young people will visit a bank for a loan, while hundreds more will approach a friend, family member, relative or associate for a loan, this as hundreds more will use their CREDIT cards to ensure that they don’t miss out on the festivities that will take over the city of Durban this weekend.

You see, South Africa’s democracy is only turning 21 years old this year. Although that sounds like a hell-of a lot of years, the truth is, things haven’t exactly gone as we thought they would. Poverty is still a painful reality, access to opportunities is limited, our lack of education holds us back, our laziness eats away at our lives, our sense of priority or lack-of nurtures cycles that are bound to keep us poor. Again, please don’t take my opinions for facts. Right now – I just want to express a concern and hopefully, show you that thrills are not worth bills and spills we can’t afford.
You see our young democracy has its very costly loopholes. Loopholes that will take centuries to address.
See, unless if you are very connected, are a tenderpreneur, are dating someone who is loaded or are a black diamond – the truth of the matter is, you cannot afford to attend events like the MMAs. See if you are a working citizen, who lives anywhere in this country, has responsibilities, are paying bills to survive – you are outside of the market that ought to be in Durban this coming weekend.

Let me clarify a few things before I go further.
1- I don’t want to go to Durban this weekend. Not my kind of scene.
2- If I wanted to or had intentions to – I’d have to make a plan. A plan that goes way outside of my humble pocket.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s continue with the issue at hand.
If you are going to go into your savings account to settle the dress, weave, nails, shoes, transport, accommodation, tickets, food and booze this weekend – that’s your money, you worked for it, spend it as you wish. What would be sad though is if you’ve spent weeks and months unable to enjoy things that really matter in life saving up for one weekend. What would really suck ‘ma se kind’, is if you haven’t been good to yourself for a few months, just to spend one fun weekend in Durban with people you hardly know, chasing light that are not about you, hoping to mingle with people who are going to forget you as soon as they walk away from you, that’s if they notice you at all.

See the truth about events like this one is – we mere mortals, would like be in the midst of the bling, lights, camera, action and stars – even if it’s one time only, just one time. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You see, we would like to see the celebrities in person, say hello to them, sit in the same row with them, go to the same after party with the stars, and be introduced to them. And again, there’s nothing wrong with that.
You see, there’s something about the rich and famous that makes us want to tell the next person that we know them or have at least chilled with them just once – that does not make you shallow. That’s why they are called stars, celebrities or ‘the rich and famous’. What is not ok is us getting loans – from anywhere – just to have that privilege…it is completely shallow. And the honest truth is, come Monday – all you have left is what you can tell the colleague who didn’t go to Durban and hopefully – you will not be showing off. The truth of the matter is – unless if you were some celebrity’s trophy date or didn’t make a fool of yourself with a disaster of an outfit or drinking yourself into a joke at the after party – no one really knows you were there. Which leaves me wondering – why would you work so hard to be at an event that doesn’t have a MEANINGFUL impact on your life.

Dear Brother and Sister of mine…

If you are going to the MMAs this weekend, I hope all is in order. I hope your beloved mother is not going to bed hungry on most nights, I hope your kids are eating well, are healthy and get enough of your time and affection. I hope you’ve been sleeping comfortably – not on a tired mattress. I hope your kid does not eat 2-minute-noodles for supper while you save up for the MMAs. I hope you don’t have a door-knob or torn curtain you’ve been meaning to fix for over a month while you spend your savings or money you are going to have to pay back later on a meaningless weekend. I hope you have made the time to take your child out lately. Go somewhere with them not dragging them along but for their gain, entertainment and leisure. I hope there’s no health issue you’ve been putting on hold because you can’t find the time to see the Doctor. Because if you have the time to go dance and drink in Durban, you must have the time to take care of yourself. I hope all your bills, especially the important ones – are all settled. Because in my opinion, it would be plain-dumb to have fun at the expense of your rent or bond payment.

I hope you are going to the MMAs for yourself, not to fit-in, please a friend or to take photos for your Facebook account. I hope this life of killa weaves, expensive dresses, glitzy events, mingling with the stars and drinking MOET does not leave you wishing you’d done better. I hope it does not leave you feeling like you invested your time and energy on regressive exercises while all the important ones suffered. Don’t be half the parent, don’t be a disappearing partner, don’t be a son or daughter who leaves supportive parents concerned, don’t be a friend who pressures another to turn-up or a show-off , don’t travel to another province just to rub such in other people’s faces. I hope you are not going to be on a crash-diet just for a weekend that’s going to pass. I hope you are not going to spend the next ten years attending these kind of events because unless if they pay you, celebrate you, teach you something, give you access to a sustainable or meaningful path– the truth is you are going to spend years wasting time and money.

I am now in my thirties and know that I can’t be committed to the same things I was all about in my twenties. Growth is the ability to miss things because they aren’t for you anymore, because you’ve done them enough, because they no longer mean the same thing to, because your priorities have changed, because you can’t afford them financially, because time with your kids, better half, family or friends would be more meaningful. Don’t be blown around by hype.

Until next time…invest some time in your future.

Your loving sister…
Tumi Sedumedi

Letter 1 - When Emptiness Screams....

Dear Younger Brother and Sister of mine...

There is something I need you to know. You are special. I don't care who has told you what. I don't care what you have or would like to own. I don't care who your friends are. I don't even care what you have access to or not. I don't care who you have disappointed. I don't even care who you are dating, are engaged to, are willing to sleep with, follow around or hand your life to. You are special.
The FACT that you are special is not my opinion or what I would like you to believe. It is a given. You, me and all of us were made by the same creator, who loves all of us EQUALLY - no matter what circumstances, the media, social networks, people or religion say. You are special and loved by our creator whether you are a suicide bomber, a saint, a prostitute, a priest, a killer, a university graduate, a teen mom, a celebrity or anything else. The fact that you are special depends not on a title or belief. It depends not on your parents or affiliations. YOU ARE SPECIAL.

You see, I am a lover of life. I am highly thankful for all that I have. More often than not - I am struck by random loads of emotions, just at the realisation of how blessed I am.
Right now, as I type this letter to you. I am employed, have a place I call home, my son is healthy, my family is supportive, I have access to so many opportunities, I have a circle of friends that I can count on, I have colleagues who understand me, I just ate, I am in love with my boyfriend, I have a set of wheels I use to get around, I do a lot of things I am passionate about when I choose to.

That said, my life is not perfect. Right now, money is tight, my knees are killing me, I am not happy at work, I am annoyingly loud, I lack timing, I shout at my son too much and am not on speaking terms with a loved one.
I am telling you all of this because I know for a fact that none of the things I have mentioned above, good or bad, define me. They don't make me any more or less special.

You see, lately I have been realising how a lot of people have forgotten or don't know how special they are. Friends, colleagues, associates and others I don't know from a bar of soap.
I have been bothered, concerned and disappointed.
People are flashing, showing-off, bragging, boasting and trying to rub things, brands and possessions in people's faces.
Dear younger sibling of mine let me enlighten you. People who are content with their truth, people who are on great terms with who they are, people who have self-love, people who know the value of their existence and people who make a meaningful impact on others don't have the time, the emptiness or energy to allow material goods, brands, price tags or money to be the centre of their lives or moments.

Hear me well, I am not saying you and I should not own expensive things. I am not saying we should not reap the rewards of our hard-work or your inheritance. I also am not saying you should feel guilty for enjoying your riches. What I am saying ngwana-ko-gae is, be in the moment. Enjoy what you have without feeling the need to announce to the world or the next person.
When you spend your money on whatever you can afford - don't make it anyone else's business. The make of your car, size of your house or neighbourhood you live in, the tags on your clothes, the places you host your parties at, the colour underneath your shoe, the bling on your finger or the titles in front of your friend's name can be all gone tomorrow. What then? Who are you without them? Is there more to your than those THINGS??? What if all those people you are trying to impress don't even notice that you exist???

Try enjoying the organically good things about life. The laughs that hurt your stomach or bring you to tears, the moments that just make you cry, the friend who shows up when you've given up on getting any form of support, the boyfriend who says "you are beautiful", the niece or nephew who gives you a nick-name, the mom who gives you a hard time, your strength and resilience, your family's health.
Take a selfie and post it because you are feeling beautiful or blessed. Not to show-off your expensive weave, the brand of your shades or flashy car. Show off your child's good results - not the name of the private or exclusive school. Appreciate that you are having a great time at a concert - don't upload that photo to remind people of how connected you are.

There's so much more to life than showing off.

YOU need to be fine with the person you see in the mirror whether she/he wakes up with all the possessions, titles, connections and following still there or gone. I wish you a life where you are so fulfilled that showing off just seems ridiculous. A life where the moment does not seem any less meaningful just because it ain’t on your phone to upload on facebook, instagram or twitter. I wish you a life that is about moments that no-one can take away from you and achievements that build you and not an impression.

When you inspire, you'll have no time to desire. Trust Me I Know....

Until next time...
Be in The Moment. You are special
Your Sister
Tumi




People who don't have a full
understanding of their purpose
in life are reduced to bragging
about possessions.

- Tebogo PureFinesse Kekana