Successfully Lost?
The measure of success is (to me) not a formula.

Recently, someone I know updated their Facebook status to :"when people talk behind ur back,what does it mean?? simple! it means that u are 2steps ahead of them!! so,keep moving ahead in life!!!"
It wasn't the first time I see this statement and I'm sure it wasn't the last.
My first reaction was a laugh - a very light laugh, one that could be mistaken for a sigh, so I went on and commented - "hehehe...who came up with this line maar? It kills me. Personally, I don't think anyone is ahead of another mo lefatsheng. 2 steps my friend? Really?"
More than anything I was more disturbed by other WOMEN responding to this update with statements like: -
"true girla very true."
"I'm in agreement!"
"Good one..."

None of them questioning why she was making such a statement or who had upset her. That's what sistas do - right?

I must also add that the only man who commented on this update wrote "well...it means you should turn around.."

so after a few comments - she came back to us and added her comment that read "Lol. no man tumi,nt literaly 1...2...mara u r! u say we on da same level? disagree. y the envy,jealousy n so much competition then? my understandin of this phrase is let 'them' talk n hate while u headin '2steps'ahead of them ,wherelse they going nowhere!"

and I went to respond - "look, I'm in no way suggesting that we are on the same level. I'm just thinking Branson, Motsepe or Trump didn't get that far by trying to be "2 steps" ahead of anyone. I also don't think my achievements make me a step ahead of anyone (envious or not). What holds most meaning to one, can be utter bullshit to the next. All of us say a lil' something about someone that we wouldn't dream of saying in their face. That don't make them ahead of us. Get yours and get it for you, not to make Dudu or Rosemary envy you."

I don't know - I really don't. From as far back as childhood - I remember a serious need among among black South Africans to be better than the next or to be perceived as more successful than their own. I'm 27 years old and this behavior still exists. For us - that is what success means. You can have everything you want, you can have all your heart's desires but as long as no one envies you or is after your belongings and achievements - you are nothing. Really!

I could be wrong and I stand to be corrected if I am but from where I stand - just because someone says about you what they can't say to you does not mean that they hate you, are in competition with you, envy you or is below you.
I say a few things about my own sisters that I would not dream of saying to their faces. I'm not saying this behaviour is right or acceptable - what I'm saying though, is that - it does not signify anything that has to do with success or the lack of.

Another one of my observations is that people who aren't trying to gage their lives' achievements based on monetary issues, financial gain or 'bling' seem to be much happier, less competitive, more intelligent and certainly spot-on.

I have also observed that women who generally measure men according to what they make or generally relate success to money, bling and brands are not the brightest sparks. For real. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with a woman who knows what she wants. I really respect a woman who has taken her experiences and made them work in her favour. I have measures too. I know for sure that I do not want do be with a man who does not have a job, does not have a place of his own and does not have a car - those are my standards. PERIOD. I know what it's like to be with a man who doesn't have any or all those so I'm not about to put myself though torture. That though, doesn't mean I would turn my back against my man if he were to loose all those things. See a man who is determined to make ends meet and has proven it - is worth a lady's time.

Another observation - people who base all their live's minutes and seconds on money - whether they have it or not - are not the best of friends or the most loyal lovers. Deal with it. No gold-digger sticks around for the "small things" and no "cheese girl wanna be" wants to be there for a friend - unless if it means good times and good times only.

Going back to the topic - success is no formula. Not that I have its definition and not that I know it better than you or the next person.

My fellow black South Africans want to be seen in expensive clothes, they want to be seen driving the biggest and fastest cars, they want to sit at a fancy restaurant and drink the most expensive whisky. My people want to put brands before practicality. They wanna party every single weekend, they want to be seen with the rich and famous - none of them saving or investing in property. Not that there's anything wrong with any of that but is life not more valuable when one is happy, healthy, secure, informed, working towards a comfortable future and spending time with loved ones? Is life not about what truly makes us happy and not about the latest trends and what society deems cool?

Why on earth should what people think of you be more important than what you desire?
More importantly why should we take our God given time on this planet trying to prove to anyone that we are capable of being ahead, better, or "successful".

I think success is no measure or formula. It does not hold us to a corner and expect us to compete or conform. It is not cruel or judgemental. It is not unfair or detrimental. Me?! I feel most successful when I stand in front of the mirror naked, free of the world's material belongings, titles and so called expectations. I feel successful when there's no one else but myself in my mind and that makes me happy.